There is dad, and there is Dave.

The phone rings, and even before I look to see who is calling my stomach sinks knowing it isn’t going to be a call I want to take.  It’s mom, and she is fighting back tears as she tells me dad is being difficult, and asks can you and your sister make your way over.  Knowing that my dad is agitated in another manic spell I suggest everyone comes to my house, getting him out of the house may help lower his tension.

Before my parents arrive I clear glass objects away from where I plan on my dad sitting.  When my dad is manic his balance is off, his hands shake, and I call him Dave instead of my dad because he is another person.  Similar to an angry drunk, he becomes belligerent and mean.  My dad is commonly a very calm man that loves math, his kids and my mother.  Dave has a predilection for buying un-necessary things, and talking about separating from my mother as well as a myriad of other irrational ideas….

Dave walks in with balloons, and hefty collection of shopping bags.  I sigh knowing that some large discount booty is surely going to be gifted to me.  He mentions that he wants to have a party, but doesn’t yet tell us why.  He is pacing around my living room, I can see that my mom is exhausted, scared and the sorrow on her face lets me know he’s been difficult for days.  Dave is rambling, and his voice is raised.  I suggest that he go use the hot tub to unwind a little, and he excitedly accepts.  Once he is in the hot tub, and staring at the view he proclaims he is in heaven.  When he is really up, he might really think he is; allegedly he was speaking of the end of the world coming a couple days ago to my sister.

My sister, aka “hostage negotiator” arrives.  She first embraces my mom, and whispers in her ear that things are going to be okay.  Mom breaks down and cries for a bit while I am watching over the potential hostage; it seems inevitable that we may need to take him to the hospital if he is not sleeping and his agitation level increases.  He rarely wants to go.  The four of us sit-down, and listen to Dave discuss why he is so angry, his voice becoming louder and louder.   I calmly ask, “Why are you raising your voice so much?”  He yells like a tantruming child, “CAUSE I’M ANGRY!”, and he starts for the door.  Dave is so fight or flight.

After we coax him to stay he repeats some things he's already said then tells us now that he has quit his teaching job, and we are celebrating his retirement.   This job he quit was a part-time job teaching 5^th graders, and apparently they agitate him too.  Funny thing is, he may have told his students he quit, but I don't think he really resigned yet.  This next week should be interesting. He goes on about my mother controlling the money too much, and that he wants a separation so he can spend his money.  For those of you that know them, you know how truly irrational this train of thought is….quit your job, spend a bunch of money then be convinced that dissolving your marriage is a good idea.

My sister does a good job of calling him out on the divorce talk, noting my mom has never done anything to deserve this threat.  In a matter of five minutes it seemed something dramatic changed in his mood.  Dave became less aggressive and threatening and was speaking more softly.  I assumed either he was tired, or he realized he wasn’t going to get away with being mean to our mother.  My father hands over the credit cards, and agrees to go home and try to sleep.  Kristin and I walk them out, hoping all will be better in the morning.  Yet, we’ll both be sleepless with our angst knowing this situation is volatile, and a dark down could also be around the corner.

I once came across a box of love letters that my dad wrote to my mother.  He was a great writer, and his letters embodied the amazing romance they felt years ago.  They’ve been married for 45 years now, and I’m sure that she has at times turned to those letters to remember the good times to help her get through the bad ones.  I’m sure this kind of story might even scare people from ever wanting to marry.  Many people are broken, and it takes a lot of strength to help them through it. 

I ask for prayers to help me accept the things I cannot change, and maintain a loving heart.