Excessive Pits

I have lived a reasonably healthy and very successful life as a Type 1 Diabetic for 30 years now.  This is a prideful statement since I read that many T1 Diabetics last 25-30 years from diagnosis when I was 11.  (Casey Johnson, Betsy Arnst, Liz Rehn, and many other T1s that passed young…..your legacy is remembered.)

 I also had a couple doctors along the way talk to me as if I were a time bomb; my sense of mortality arrived before puberty.  The greatest tragedy is that I would have been a bigger success if I hadn’t lived in my cloud of doubt and fear…..not that it was only MY fear, the expressions I saw when I had to give a shot to eat were like a death sentence.

Type 1 Diabetes is a disorder that results after your own body decides to kill off pancreas cells that produce insulin.   My own body was self destructing, long before I could reason.  Insulin turns food into energy to live, laugh and love.  Those of us with T1 need pumps or shots to wake up each day.  If only taking the insulin was the end of it.  We also have to be conscious of everything we consume to ensure the insulin we take will convert it.  When we under-dose, we end up hyperglycemic feeling horrible.  When we overdose we are hypoglycemic feeling horrible.  As a Diabetic I would say that I am lucky to feel anything other than horrible 50% of the time.  I have felt tired, had headaches, or been nauseous most of my life.

In the last year I have learned that a friend’s 3 year old son was diagnosed T1, as well as another acquaintance’s 21 year old daughter met the same fate.  This auto-immune disorder can present at different phases, clearly some of us might have a better ability to fight the trigger illness that is the catalyst to developing T1.  As much as this saddens me, I am hopeful that some genius will isolate the stem cells that can survive the attack and we can all make some insulin again with stem cell plants.  Then again, perhaps we are playing god, and I should keep being thankful that technology can keep me feeling okay 50% of the time with injections.

Life is not a bowl of cherries, but life with Diabetes has excessive pits.

Alpha and Omega

The human condition, it is glorious as well as gloriously angst ridden.  We come into the world needing care, and excited family members & friends emphatically embrace us.  Then as we exit needing extensive care, and painful medical treatments, our dearest suffer as we slip away.  Hellos are so much more enjoyable than good-byes, oh the bitter-sweetness of being human. 

My father in law, almost 80 now, was skiing and playing tennis not long ago.  Right now, he rests while in pain in his bed waiting for a peaceful end to his fight with a rare infection, failing heart valve and organ function loss.  It is very unfortunate that as we age each ailment seems to have a domino effect leading to the next health challenge.

There is so much sadness in not being able to be by a loved one’s side when they pass, and yet, remembering them before their suffering may also be a relief.  My step-son that lost his real mom suddenly is very hurt not to be with his Grandpa, and this is breaking my heart too.  (Sighs) 

I try to use the cliché phrases about soon he will be free from pain, and this is for the best.  I do believe that the tears shed when someone in pain dies are for those of us that lost, not for the pained spirit freed.  Yet, there is little peace to be gained at this moment in the grief process.

Peace be with us all, and may my s-son have better coping mechanisms than I have.  J